Faye

I know you’re reading this.  And I want you to know I’m writing this for you.  Others will be confused.  They will think I’m writing this for them.  But I’m not.

This one’s for you.

I want you to know that life is not easy.  Every day is an unpredictable challenge.  Some days it can be difficult to simply get out of bed in the morning.  To face reality and put on that smile.  But I want you to know, your smile has kept me going on more days than I can count.  Never forget that, even through the toughest times, you are incredible.  You really are.

So smile more often.  You have so many reasons to.  Time and again, my reason is you.

You won’t always be perfect.  Neither will I.  Because nobody is perfect, and nobody deserves to be perfect.  Nobody has it easy, everybody has issues.  You will never know exactly what I’m going through.  And I will never know exactly what you’re going through.  We are all fighting our own unique war.

But we are fighting through it simultaneously, together.

Whenever somebody discredits you, and tells you that you can’t do something, keep in mind that they are speaking from within the boundaries of their own limitations.  Ignore them.  Don’t give in.  In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self.  And when they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same.

Remember, our courage doesn’t always roar aloud.  Sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day whispering, “I will try again tomorrow.”  So stand strong.  Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.

And I am committed to making the best of it along with you.

Photo by: Meredith Farmer

If you want to fly and move on to better things, you have to give up the things that weigh you down – which is not always as obvious and easy as it sounds.

Starting today, give up…

1. Letting the opinions of others control your life. – People know your name, not your story.  They’ve heard what you’ve done, but not what you’ve been through.  So take their opinions of you with a grain of salt.  In the end, it’s not what others think, it’s what you think about yourself that counts.  Sometimes you have to do exactly what’s best for you and your life, not what’s best for everyone else.
2. The shame of past failures. – You will fail sometimes, and that’s okay.  The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant.  Your past does not equal your future.  Just because you failed yesterday; or all day today; or a moment ago; or for the last six months; or for the last sixteen years, doesn’t have any impact on the current moment.  All that matters is what you do right now.  Read Awaken the Giant Within.
3. Being indecisive about what you want. – You will never leave where you are until you decide where you would rather be.  It’s all about finding and pursuing your passion.  Neglecting passion blocks creative flow.  When you’re passionate, you’re energized.  Likewise, when you lack passion, your energy is low and unproductive.  Energy is everything when it comes to being successful.  Make a decision to figure out what you want, and then pursue it passionately.
4. Procrastinating on the goals that matter to you. – There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.  Follow your intuition.  Don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do.  When there is love and inspiration, you can’t go wrong.  And whatever it is you want to do, do it now.  There are only so many tomorrows.  Trust me, in a year from now, you will wish you had started today.
5. Choosing to do nothing. – You don’t get to choose how you are going to die, or when.  You can only decide how you are going to live, right now.  Every day is a new chance to choose.  Choose to change your perspective.  Choose to flip the switch in your mind from negative to positive.  Choose to turn on the light and stop fretting about with insecurity and doubt.  Choose to do work that you are proud of.  Choose to see the best in others, and to show your best to others.  Choose to truly LIVE, right now.
6. Your need to be right. – If you keep on saying you’re right, even if you are right now, eventually you will be wrong.  Aim for success, but never give up your right to be wrong.  Because when you do, you will also lose your ability to learn new things and move forward with your life.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
7. Running from problems that should be fixed. – We make life harder than it has to be.  The difficulties started when… conversations became texting, feelings became subliminal, sex became a game, the word ‘love’ fell out of context, trust faded as honesty waned, insecurities became a way of living, jealously became a habit, being hurt started to feel natural, and running away from it all became our solution.  Stop running!  Face these issues, fix the problems, communicate, appreciate, forgive and LOVE the people in your life who deserve it.
8. Making excuses rather than decisions. – Life is a continuous exercise in creative problem solving.  A mistake doesn’t become a failure until you refuse to correct it. Thus, most long-term failures are the outcome of people who make excuses instead of decisions.
9. Overlooking the positive points in your life. – What you see often depends entirely on what you’re looking for.  Do your best and surrender the rest.  When you stay stuck in regret of the life you think you should have had, you end up missing the beauty of what you do have.  You will have a hard time ever being happy if you aren’t thankful for the good things in your life right now.  Read The Happiness Project.
10. Not appreciating the present moment. – We do not remember days, we remember moments.  Too often we try to accomplish something big without realizing that the greatest part of life is made up of the little things.  Live authentically and cherish each precious moment of your journey.  Because when you finally arrive at your desired destination, I guarantee you, another journey will begin.

Photo by: Luz Adriana

There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference.  The little difference is attitude.  The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.
— W. Clement Stone

When I was a teenager I was the primary target of an extremely persistent bully at my high school.  One day I came home in tears and wrote this on the whiteboard hanging on my bedroom wall:  “I hate bullies.  They make me feel like a loser.”

The next day, while I was at school, my grandmother erased what I wrote on the whiteboard and replaced it with this:  “An entire body of water the size of the Pacific Ocean can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship.  Similarly, all the negativity in the world can’t bring you down unless you allow it to get inside your head.”

And from that day forward I felt better.  I made a conscious decision to stop letting the bully get inside my head.  I changed my beliefs about his level of importance in my life.

It isn’t easy to remain positive when negativity surrounds you, but remember that you have full control over what you choose to believe.  You can effectively defend yourself against all kinds of negativity by adopting simple, yet powerful, beliefs that support a positive outlook in the face of seemingly negative circumstances.

Below you will find 15 such beliefs that have helped free me from the grips of negativity.  I have these beliefs written down in my journal, and I review them on a regular basis, as needed, just to keep them fresh in my mind.  I hope you will join me by adopting them into your own belief system as well…

1. What other people say about me is their problem, not mine. – Don’t take other people’s negativity personally.  Most negative people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with.  What they say and do is a projection of their own reality.  Even when a situation seems personal – even if someone insults you directly – it oftentimes has nothing to do with you.  What others say and do, and the opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection.
2. I am free to be ME. – Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?  Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to everyone else and what they want.  Stop living for other people and their opinions.  Be true to yourself.  You are the only person in charge of your life.  The only question is: What do you want to do with the rest of it?
3. Life isn’t perfect, but it sure is great. – Our goal shouldn’t be to create a perfect life, but to live an imperfect life in radical amazement.  To get up every morning and take and good look around in a way that takes nothing for granted.  Everything is extraordinary.  Every day is a gift.  Never treat life casually.  To be spiritual in any way is to be amazed in every way.  (Read The Happiness Project.)
4. It’s okay to have down days. – Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down.  However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs.  It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs.
5. Even when I’m struggling, I have so much to be grateful for. – What if you awoke today with only the things you were thankful for yesterday?  We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but of appreciating everything we do have.  Stress thrives when your worry list is longer than your gratitude list.  Happiness thrives when your gratitude list is longer than your worry list.  So find something to be thankful for right now.
6. Every experience is just another important lesson. – Disappointments and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to success.  So don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart.  When things go wrong, learn what you can and then push the tragedies and mistakes aside.  Remember, life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  We must fail in order to know, and hurt in order to grow.  Good things often fall apart so better things can fall together in their place.
7. Not everything is meant to stay. – Change can be terrifying, yet all positive growth and healing requires change.  Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye.  Because the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.  Be strong when everything seems to be going wrong, keep taking small steps, and eventually you will find what you’re looking for.  Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it.
8. Being wrong is the first step to being right. – Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.  To be creative and productive in life, you must first lose your fear of being wrong.  And remember, a fear like this can only survive inside you if you let it live there.
9. I do not need to hold on to what’s holding me back. – You are not what has happened to you; you are what you choose to become.  It’s time to break the beliefs and routines that have been holding you back.  Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer grows you.  Listen to your intuition, not your ego.  When you stop chasing the wrong beliefs, you give the right ideas a chance to catch you.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
10. My happiness today is simply the result of my thinking. – Happiness starts with you – not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but WITH YOU.  It is not always easy to find happiness in ourselves, but it is always impossible to find it elsewhere.  Regardless of the situation you face, your attitude is your choice.  Remember, you can’t have a positive life with a negative attitude.  When negativity controls your thoughts, it limits your behavior, actions, and opportunities.  If you realized how powerful your thoughts were, you would try your best to never think another negative thought again.
11. Who I spend quality time with matters. – Surround yourself with people who lift you higher – those who see the great potential in you, even when you don’t see it in yourself.
12. Drama and judgments are a waste of perfect happiness. – Make a promise to yourself.  Promise to stop the drama before it begins, to breathe deeply and peacefully, and to love others and yourself without conditions.  Promise to laugh at your own mistakes, and to realize that no one is perfect; we are all human.  Feelings of self-worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)
13. Most people are judging me far less than it seems. – The truth is, while you’re busy worrying about what others think of you, they’re busy worrying about what you think of them.  Crazy?  Yes, but true.  The good news is this knowledge instantly frees you to let loose and do more of what YOU want.  And while doing so, you’ll also liberate others to do the same.
14. I can make the world a happier place. – Do your best to help one person every day in some small way.  By becoming the answer to someone’s prayer, we often find the answers to our own.  When the people around us are happier, it’s a lot easier to smile.
15. The work is worth it. – Lose the expectation that everything in life should be easy.  It rarely is.  In fact, there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.  Enjoy the challenge of your achievements.  See the value in your efforts and be patient with yourself.  And realize that patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams.  It’s knowing deep down that the work is well worth it in the end.

Your turn…

What is the biggest source of negativity in your life?  What helps you stay motivated in the face of this negativity?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Elijah Nouvelage

“There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth.”
?Leo Tolstoy

This post has been updated and moved to HERE:

How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed (by Everything on Your Plate)

Photo by: Colton Witt

Dwell on the beauty of life.  Watch the stars,
and see yourself running with them.
?Marcus Aurelius

Your life story is an expression of who you are; the words you choose to use shape this story.  Your words create the essence of your inner culture and the core of your identity and destiny.

How have you written your story so far?  Have you put your words to positive use?  If I eavesdropped on your self-talk or your conversations with others, would I hear statements that create happiness, or statements that refute it?

Your ability to write a happy life story hinges on your language.  It is your inner and outer verbal expression that makes your joy possible and that infuses your life with purpose, meaning and vitality.

So today I challenge you to say…

1.  “I have a choice.”

It is not your talents or abilities, but your choices that ultimately decide your fate.

You ARE your choices.

Until you can look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say, “I have a choice.  I am here now because of the choices I’ve made in the past,” you will never be able to say, “I choose differently.”

2.  “Let’s get started!”

You can’t build anything wonderful with ideas of what you are going to do someday.  If you want something, you have to make a little noise, declare it and then get started.

A goal is far more than a mental exercise.  In fact, without the intent of action a goal is nothing more than a lie.  Make your decisions real and present in your life; give them the time and attention they deserve.

In the end it doesn’t matter what you’re thinking, it matters what you’re doing.  Whatever you want to accomplish, it’s time to get started.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

3.  “I have what it takes.”

The worst enemy of today is your self-doubt.  The moment you doubt whether you can do something is the moment it becomes impossible for you.

You have to believe in yourself.  You have to trust yourself.  You might be nervous, but don’t you ever let any source of negativity in the world convince you that you don’t have what it takes.

Give yourself a pep talk if you need one.  State some facts, some evidence of your greatness.  Recall your past victories.  Speak them out loud – “I aced that test.”  “I earned that big raise.”  “I ran that 5K without stopping.”  “My best friend loved my wedding speech.”  And so on and so forth…  Give a positive voice to your past victories and you will find the strength to repeat history.

4.  “Hello, how can I help you?”

In life, you get what you put in.

Generally speaking, the unhappiest people you will ever meet will be those who are utterly self-absorbed; the happiest people you will ever meet will be those who lose themselves in the joy and challenge of helping others.

Happiness is always attained by giving it away without expectation.  Those who help others are eventually helped.  You have two hands, one to help yourself and the other to help those around you.  If you can lie down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone’s day just a little brighter, you have something to smile about.  Read 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.

5.  “Look how far I’ve come.”

The way you move a mountain is by moving one stone at a time.  Every stone you move, no matter how small, is progress.

Sometimes it may be hard to see your progress.  Sometimes it will be frustrating when the results you seek don’t appear as quickly as you had hoped.  Still, you are advancing.  You may be moving along slowly, but you are still moving a mountain.

Achievement, after all, is an enduring process, not a single event.  To achieve any worthwhile goal you must cover a lot of ground.  You need to learn what works by trial and error.  You must explore possibilities, many of which will only show you what doesn’t work.  Just keep in mind that the mistakes and setbacks are a vital part of the process.

Take a break every now and then and pat yourself on the back.  Applaud yourself for doing what needs to be done.  And be careful not to spend so much time looking at how far you still have to go, that you forget to appreciate how far you’ve already come.

6.  “I have more than enough to be happy.”

The happiest of people aren’t the luckiest, and they usually don’t have the best of everything either.  They simply make the most of everything they do have.  The reason so many people are unhappy is because they tend to look at what’s missing in their life, instead of what’s present.

Take a stand and flip the switch.  Stop wishing you had more.  Stop wishing you were somewhere else.  Stop wishing you looked like someone else.  Love your quirks enough to let them shine.  Appreciate your body and use it to it’s full potential.  Appreciate the things you have that so many others dream about.  Scream it out loud if you must:  “I am lucky to be alive!  I am happy to be me right now!  I have way more than I need and so much to be grateful for!  My life isn’t perfect, it’s just pretty darn good!”  Read The Happiness Project.

7.  “ … ”

That blank space denoted by “ … ” is no mistake.  That space represents silence.

Silence is soothing.  Silence is peace.  Silence is divine.

The more silent you are, the more you can hear yourself think.

Have you ever heard the silence just before the sun peaks over the horizon?  Or the hush of a country road at midnight?  Or the peaceful calm just after a thunderstorm ends?  Or perhaps you know the silence in the back of your city library, or the eager pause of an auditorium full of people when the lights dim for the main event, or, best of all, the moment just after the front door shuts and you suddenly have the whole house to yourself?

Each silent moment is different, yet all are beautiful if you listen carefully.  Leave enough space in your day to enjoy the space between the commotions.  Say nothing, think quietly, just be and breathe.

The floor is yours…

What would you add to the list?  What’s something positive (perhaps an affirmation) we all should say every day?  Please reply below and let us know.

Photo by: Tim Daniels